Collaborative Divorce FAQs

What is Collaborative Divorce, and how is it different from court proceedings?

Collaborative Divorce is an out of court process where the parties, supported by a team of divorce professionals, create their own agreements. In a full Collaborative Divorce, each spouse has their own collaborative divorce attorney and divorce coach, and they work together with a neutral financial professional and, where needed, a neutral child specialist.

Collaborative Divorce differs from traditional court proceedings in three fundamental ways. First, it is a non-adversarial process. The spouses work together to create an agreement that works for the family, rather than fighting for the agreement that benefits them. Second, with Collaborative Divorce, the parties are in control. They choose what will go into their agreement and how quickly they will work toward resolution.

Finally, collaborative divorce is almost always less expensive than a full litigation, particularly when emotions are high and communication is challenging. The ability of the team to assign the right task to the right professional at the right time, as well as the commitment by both parties and their attorneys not to litigate, helps to decrease costs.

What is the cost of Collaborative Divorce compared to traditional litigation?

Generally speaking, clients in a Collaborative Divorce spend less money than clients who litigate. In part this is due to minimal duplication of effort. In a litigated divorce, each attorney needs to prepare Preliminary Declarations of Disclosure – a time consuming and often expensive process. In a Collaborative Divorce, the financial neutral can prepare the Preliminary Declarations of Disclosure for both parties – often at an hourly rate that is lower than what the attorneys would charge.

The commitment to stay out of court can also substantially reduce costs. Hearings (30-40 hours on average), settlement conferences (20-40 hours on average) and trial (60-100 hours on average) are expensive. In California, family law attorneys charge $300 to $800 an hour, depending on their experience, location, and reputation in the family law community. A single custody hearing could cost each parent $10,000 or more.

In contrast, in a Collaborative Divorce, the parties develop their parenting plan with a child specialist or their coaches, usually in far less time than a contested custody hearing would require. Collaborative Divorce California estimates that a traditional litigation may range from $50,000 to $500,000 per person and a Collaborative Divorce may range from $50,000 – $150,000 per person.

Although a Collaborative Divorce often costs less than traditional litigation, it can be more expensive to begin the case. Each professional often requires a retainer. Even if you only work with two attorneys and a neutral financial professional, you will still need to finance three retainers to start the process. New Horizons does not require an initial retainer, as I recognize that can be a barrier to accessing legal services. Instead, clients are billed on a monthly basis.

Collaborative Divorce sounds expensive. Can we mediate or make our own agreements instead?

Collaborative divorce is often more expensive than mediation, and less expensive than traditional litigation. If you and your spouse are able to communicate well with each other, are each able to advocate for your own interests, and are looking to control costs, mediation might be a good option for you. Mediation is often more successful when the parties have shared responsibility for handling the family finances or have had access to the family’s financial information.

Many mediators are family law attorneys, certified divorce financial analysts, or other divorce professionals. Rates for a mediator might range from $250 – $500 an hour, again depending on the mediator’s skill, experience, and location. Collaborative Divorce California estimates that the cost to mediate a divorce, with a trained mediator and consulting attorneys, might cost $15,000 – $100,000.

How long does Collaborative Divorce take?

Each case is unique, and the amount of time needed will depend on the complexity of the issues involved, the ability of the parties to communicate with each other, and how frequently the collaborative team is able to meet.

Behaviors that can increase the amount of time a case requires include:

• Multiple, inflammatory emails back and forth
• Badgering your spouse/partner for a decision before they’re ready
• Taking on-sided actions
• Not keeping agreements or commitments
• Saying yes to something you’re not ready to agree to
• Being unprepared for meetings

You can help keep the divorce on track by:

• Doing the homework your attorney or the other professionals assign to you
• Working with your coach to respond to triggering emails or other communications from your spouse
• Remembering that this is an interest based process, not a positional one
• Asking for time to speak with your attorney if you’re not ready to commit to an agreement or need more information

Is it possible to have a collaborative process without a full team?

The Collaborative Process requires a full team of professionals: an attorney for each client, a coach for each client, and a neutral financial professional.

Many collaborative professionals also practice “little c” collaborative divorce, particularly for modest means clients or others for whom the cost of a full team would be prohibitive. In a “little c” collaborative process, the attorneys will work together to shape a process that meets both clients needs. Often, the clients and attorneys will sign a promise not to litigate and a disqualification clause, similar to what would be signed with a full collaborative team. The clients and attorneys may still meet together, and the clients may still bring on additional professionals as needed.

New Horizons supports clients looking for a collaborative resolution, whether that is through the full Collaborative Practice or a tailored collaborative process.

How do I know if Collaborative Divorce is right for my situation?

Whether Collaborative Divorce is right for you depends on whether you (and your spouse) are ready to substantively engage in the Collaborative Process. Ask yourself whether you agree with the following statements:

• I want to speak and act from my best self, and treat my spouse with respect. After the divorce, I want to feel good about how I acted during the process.
• I’m willing to be in the same room (or the same Zoom) as my spouse, and to speak for my own interests.
• I’m open to solutions that serve both our needs, even if those are different from what I initially wanted.
• I want my lawyer to be my guide and counselor, not a hired gun.
• I’m willing to continue even when the process gets difficult (and it does) or when it seems like things aren’t going my way.
• I want a process that centers my children and their needs.

Can I still do Collaborative Divorce if I have concerns about substance abuse or coercive control?

Collaborative Divorce can be well suited to cases where substance abuse and coercive control are at issue. In cases like this, it’s essential that both spouses have attorneys and coaches who are well trained in these issues. You should let collaborative attorneys know about these issues early in the case, during the initial consultation if possible, so that they can help you pick a team that will support both spouses.

How do I choose a collaborative attorney, especially if my partner and/or I are LGTBQ+, polyamorous, or neurodivergent?

Finding the right attorney is important. You want to find someone who has experience working with families like yours, who is knowledgeable about the law, who has time to take your case, and, perhaps most importantly, who feels like the right fit. Many attorneys offer a free consultation, where you can ask questions about their experience and practice. The following questions can help you decide if someone is a good fit for you:

• What kind of experience do you have working with families like mine?
• What kind of training and experience do you have, in both collaborative law and family law?
• If I hire you, when would we be able to start?
• Do you have coaches, financial professionals, and other attorneys you can recommend for our team?
• How quickly do you respond to emails?
• What do you do when someone is at an impasse? When your client and their spouse start arguing or yelling at each other?

I want to do a Collaborative Divorce, but my spouse doesn’t. How do I convince them we should do this collaboratively?

Often, giving your spouse information about the process and letting them make their own decisions works better than trying to convince them. The Divorce Options Workshop is a free workshop that walks you through the choices you have for divorcing in California and helps you understand the legal, financial, and emotional implications of divorce.

Ready to take the next step in your divorce journey? Schedule a virtual consultation, email me, or learn more about divorce mediation.